I know there hasn't been a lot of kinky updates lately. Mostly, that's been a slow section of my life. The spanking front has been sort of slow. However, BBW is coming up and I do intend on attending that particular event barring any barriers my life tries to throw into that intention.
I did want to talk about an endeavor I have undertaken and have been working on for the last two months.
A few years ago I bought a Concept 2 rowing machine. I love this thing and have been rowing off and on ever since I bought it.
This year I decided to challenge myself and train to row a marathon in May. The Concept 2 website has a marathon challenge the first two weeks of May. So, the 2nd week of May I will attempt to row 42,195 meters all at one time.
I am excited about this personal challenge and have learned a lot about myself by undertaking this adventure.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
New Career
The other day, four of the six clients with whom I work planned and executed an AWOL on my watch. I knew that they were up to something and attempted to thwart their plans. However, despite my best efforts, three of the four still managed to barricade themselves in the office and climb out the office window.
I was running the shift understaffed and with high intensity behavior clients. My opinion, had I had the proper resources, this wouldn't have gone down the way it did. Now, I didn't get into trouble, in fact, my boss's boss's boss complimented me on my attempt to manage the situation. Yet, those of you who know me best know that I am my own worst enemy at times and since the incident I have struggled with questioning and scrutinizing my choice of action.
This is a terribly stressful job and I have recognized that I am heading for burn out. I put so much of myself into everything that I do and I feel that I'm just struggling to drag myself to work day after day any more. So, I've decided to make a career change this year.
I'm not exactly sure what that career change will be just yet. Perhaps I'll get back into retail and work on my managerial skills and on my way up some corporate ladder.
I was running the shift understaffed and with high intensity behavior clients. My opinion, had I had the proper resources, this wouldn't have gone down the way it did. Now, I didn't get into trouble, in fact, my boss's boss's boss complimented me on my attempt to manage the situation. Yet, those of you who know me best know that I am my own worst enemy at times and since the incident I have struggled with questioning and scrutinizing my choice of action.
This is a terribly stressful job and I have recognized that I am heading for burn out. I put so much of myself into everything that I do and I feel that I'm just struggling to drag myself to work day after day any more. So, I've decided to make a career change this year.
I'm not exactly sure what that career change will be just yet. Perhaps I'll get back into retail and work on my managerial skills and on my way up some corporate ladder.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
The new year
It's been so long since I have been able to sit down and update. A good number of changes have been going on. In addition, I still lack internet access at home. That means I'm still relegated to having to go to B&N or some where else for internet access.
I'll work on getting a substantial update going. Especially since it looks like I have some new followers. Don't want to let my readers down.
I took some time off work so I'll try and get a good update done by the end of the week.
I'll work on getting a substantial update going. Especially since it looks like I have some new followers. Don't want to let my readers down.
I took some time off work so I'll try and get a good update done by the end of the week.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Punishment spankings
This is something that has come up a couple of times over the past couple of months. The topic is: Can spanking be punishment for someone who enjoys spanking to begin with?
My response to this question is, yes.
A couple of months ago I put an ad on CollarMe looking for a play partner who was into spanking and TIH/HOH/DD dynamics. First that ad only lasted about a week for a couple of different reasons that I won’t go into at this point in time. CollarMe definitely is not the site for me though as it’s much too broad in addition to this general attitude that being submissive means this very narrow definition of my being a brainless doormat with no opinion or personality of my own. If one more person told me I wasn’t a “serious sub” and was only looking to fulfill my kink I probably would have punched someone in the cajones.
Anyway, back on topic…I’ll go off on the “You’re not a submissive because…” rant at another time.
So, spanking as a punishment for someone who likes to be spanked…
For me it’s about where my head is and what my feelings are during the interaction with the person spanking me. It’s about power and the exchange of that power. It’s about who’s controlling the interaction and my feeling submissive and contrite for what I am being punished for and owning up to my mistakes.
Can I take accountability on my own for my negative choices or mistakes? Absolutely!! It’s not about me not being able to admit that I’ve done something wrong. It’s about being able to let go and forgive myself for having done something wrong.
Left to my own devices, I will beat myself up for days over a mistake I have made or for a negative behavior. I feel guilty and have in the past done things like denied myself food or interaction with others. These are not healthy ways of dealing with my guilt. Through the course of my exploration into the world of spanking, I have found that I can assuage myself of these feelings of guilt in a much healthier and effect way by handing that over to someone else. For whatever reason, it’s extremely difficult for me to let go of my guilt without some sort of physical manifestation of that guilt. An atonement so to speak.
When I am being punished, I am focusing on my negative behavior, on the feelings of guilt, and the thought of having disappointed those around me. So, when I submit to being spanked for whatever it is I have done wrong, I DO NOT ENJOY IT! No, it’s not the same as a child being punished for doing something wrong. That’s because I’m an adult making a conscious choice to engage in this activity. That doesn’t make it any less effective.
Why does it work when I enjoy spanking in a non-punishment atmosphere? Because I know and acknowledge that I have done something wrong and want to change. That’s the key. I see a lot of people saying that they see an increase in negative behaviors from bottoms who want punishment spankings. I think in those cases it’s more about attention than true punishment. Punishment decreases the likelihood that a behavior will occur again. If one is “punished” for something but consciously engage in that same behavior, then that “punishment” has now become reinforcement.
I have been punished for not sharing my feelings, after the punishment I actively worked to increase the frequency in which I shared my true feelings with my partner. I have been punished for texting while driving and have drastically decreased that behavior.
The logical question would be is it the spanking or the desire of the bottom to change her behaviors? In truth, it’s more the later with the former being a physical representation of that desire to change and the commitment to not engaging in the negative behavior again. Being spanked by another individual forms a concrete accountability to make the desired changes. Sort of like signing on the dotted line of a contract. So, realistically, the spanking will only work for one who is willing to make the changes that are being addressed. If it’s simply a desire to be spanked hard with a dynamic of power exchange and the only way to get that type of spanking is by acting out, then it’s logical that one will see and INCREASE rather than a DECREASE in the targeted behavior.
Punishment spankings are something I agree to or ask for because I’m trying to change something or to release those feelings of guilt that come with having made a mistake or done something wrong or having disappointed someone in a serious manner. I use these types of spanking as a way to externalize the internal turmoil that goes on inside my head that I can’t seem to excise in any other way. They differ from the stress relief spankings I actively seek in that they address a specific issue and have an air of disappointment and accountability to them. Whereas stress relief spankings are serious but focus more on emptying out the reservoir of emotions that I bury in my day to day interactions with clients, coworkers, and people in general.
My response to this question is, yes.
A couple of months ago I put an ad on CollarMe looking for a play partner who was into spanking and TIH/HOH/DD dynamics. First that ad only lasted about a week for a couple of different reasons that I won’t go into at this point in time. CollarMe definitely is not the site for me though as it’s much too broad in addition to this general attitude that being submissive means this very narrow definition of my being a brainless doormat with no opinion or personality of my own. If one more person told me I wasn’t a “serious sub” and was only looking to fulfill my kink I probably would have punched someone in the cajones.
Anyway, back on topic…I’ll go off on the “You’re not a submissive because…” rant at another time.
So, spanking as a punishment for someone who likes to be spanked…
For me it’s about where my head is and what my feelings are during the interaction with the person spanking me. It’s about power and the exchange of that power. It’s about who’s controlling the interaction and my feeling submissive and contrite for what I am being punished for and owning up to my mistakes.
Can I take accountability on my own for my negative choices or mistakes? Absolutely!! It’s not about me not being able to admit that I’ve done something wrong. It’s about being able to let go and forgive myself for having done something wrong.
Left to my own devices, I will beat myself up for days over a mistake I have made or for a negative behavior. I feel guilty and have in the past done things like denied myself food or interaction with others. These are not healthy ways of dealing with my guilt. Through the course of my exploration into the world of spanking, I have found that I can assuage myself of these feelings of guilt in a much healthier and effect way by handing that over to someone else. For whatever reason, it’s extremely difficult for me to let go of my guilt without some sort of physical manifestation of that guilt. An atonement so to speak.
When I am being punished, I am focusing on my negative behavior, on the feelings of guilt, and the thought of having disappointed those around me. So, when I submit to being spanked for whatever it is I have done wrong, I DO NOT ENJOY IT! No, it’s not the same as a child being punished for doing something wrong. That’s because I’m an adult making a conscious choice to engage in this activity. That doesn’t make it any less effective.
Why does it work when I enjoy spanking in a non-punishment atmosphere? Because I know and acknowledge that I have done something wrong and want to change. That’s the key. I see a lot of people saying that they see an increase in negative behaviors from bottoms who want punishment spankings. I think in those cases it’s more about attention than true punishment. Punishment decreases the likelihood that a behavior will occur again. If one is “punished” for something but consciously engage in that same behavior, then that “punishment” has now become reinforcement.
I have been punished for not sharing my feelings, after the punishment I actively worked to increase the frequency in which I shared my true feelings with my partner. I have been punished for texting while driving and have drastically decreased that behavior.
The logical question would be is it the spanking or the desire of the bottom to change her behaviors? In truth, it’s more the later with the former being a physical representation of that desire to change and the commitment to not engaging in the negative behavior again. Being spanked by another individual forms a concrete accountability to make the desired changes. Sort of like signing on the dotted line of a contract. So, realistically, the spanking will only work for one who is willing to make the changes that are being addressed. If it’s simply a desire to be spanked hard with a dynamic of power exchange and the only way to get that type of spanking is by acting out, then it’s logical that one will see and INCREASE rather than a DECREASE in the targeted behavior.
Punishment spankings are something I agree to or ask for because I’m trying to change something or to release those feelings of guilt that come with having made a mistake or done something wrong or having disappointed someone in a serious manner. I use these types of spanking as a way to externalize the internal turmoil that goes on inside my head that I can’t seem to excise in any other way. They differ from the stress relief spankings I actively seek in that they address a specific issue and have an air of disappointment and accountability to them. Whereas stress relief spankings are serious but focus more on emptying out the reservoir of emotions that I bury in my day to day interactions with clients, coworkers, and people in general.
10.20.11
For some reason, I thought I had updated only a month or so ago. I pulled up my blog and saw that it’s been since July that I have last updated. It has been a busy couple of months. I finally found a new home and got settled. However, I’m still without internet access at home. Something I hope to fix within the next month or so. I do have some blog posts in mind that I just need to get down in writing. It’ll give me a reason to stop at the local B&N to use their internet access.
I recently returned from the 2011 SSC where I spent 3 a few days with wonderful friends who almost more like family. I was going to put together a blog post about that but decided to wait until I got pictures to be able to post. Plus, I found myself writing out a detailed minute by minute account and decided I needed to stop and thinking through the important details I want to write about rather than boring you all with super boring details. I’ll just say it was amazing and fun and I’m definitely looking forward to next year’s SSC already.
For today I want to talk about work a little bit. I just need to write out an interaction I had with one of the clients that affected me greatly. I have always said that these kids teach me as much as I hope I am teaching them. In the past two years I have learned more about being assertive, sharing my feelings, and just being able to let go than from any other interaction with anyone in my life. I definitely still have to work on all those things but they have definitely gotten better. I am even more comfortable with saying “You’ve made me mad and I need some space,” rather than just blankly staring at someone because I don’t want them to know my true feelings. However, I do still catch myself doing it and have to remind myself to use my words.
A few weeks back one of the girls asked me if she could show me something. I was more than happy to see whatever it was she wanted me to see. Recently she’d been drawing some of her past trauma and showing it to staff and we’ve been doing the best we can to be supportive and to help her deal with this emotional torrent that is barging her day after day. This one particular day though, her drawing changed drastically. The drawing depicted myself and another staff rescuing her from her abuser. I was completely and utterly floored. I had to fight harder than I’ve probably ever fought before to maintain my calm composure in front of this girl.
I was able to reign in my reaction and to comment on how I saw trust in her drawing and praised her for not pushing people away any more. The thing that got to me most WAS the level of trust depicted in the picture. To have a child tell me through drawing that she TRUSTS that had this other staff and I been there we would have kept her from being hurt.
This interaction made me look at my own trust issues. My fear of being hurt by everyone I meet and, in my own way, pushing people away. It’s my way of being controlling and manipulative in a way and it tires people out and drives them off. This mainly pertains to my romantic relationships. So, between that and picking men who see me as second to their own needs and desires, I struggle most with my romantic relationships.
I recently returned from the 2011 SSC where I spent 3 a few days with wonderful friends who almost more like family. I was going to put together a blog post about that but decided to wait until I got pictures to be able to post. Plus, I found myself writing out a detailed minute by minute account and decided I needed to stop and thinking through the important details I want to write about rather than boring you all with super boring details. I’ll just say it was amazing and fun and I’m definitely looking forward to next year’s SSC already.
For today I want to talk about work a little bit. I just need to write out an interaction I had with one of the clients that affected me greatly. I have always said that these kids teach me as much as I hope I am teaching them. In the past two years I have learned more about being assertive, sharing my feelings, and just being able to let go than from any other interaction with anyone in my life. I definitely still have to work on all those things but they have definitely gotten better. I am even more comfortable with saying “You’ve made me mad and I need some space,” rather than just blankly staring at someone because I don’t want them to know my true feelings. However, I do still catch myself doing it and have to remind myself to use my words.
A few weeks back one of the girls asked me if she could show me something. I was more than happy to see whatever it was she wanted me to see. Recently she’d been drawing some of her past trauma and showing it to staff and we’ve been doing the best we can to be supportive and to help her deal with this emotional torrent that is barging her day after day. This one particular day though, her drawing changed drastically. The drawing depicted myself and another staff rescuing her from her abuser. I was completely and utterly floored. I had to fight harder than I’ve probably ever fought before to maintain my calm composure in front of this girl.
I was able to reign in my reaction and to comment on how I saw trust in her drawing and praised her for not pushing people away any more. The thing that got to me most WAS the level of trust depicted in the picture. To have a child tell me through drawing that she TRUSTS that had this other staff and I been there we would have kept her from being hurt.
This interaction made me look at my own trust issues. My fear of being hurt by everyone I meet and, in my own way, pushing people away. It’s my way of being controlling and manipulative in a way and it tires people out and drives them off. This mainly pertains to my romantic relationships. So, between that and picking men who see me as second to their own needs and desires, I struggle most with my romantic relationships.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Music of the "night"
Music of the Night
Night time sharpen, heightens each sensation,
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination,
Silently the sense, abandon their defenses.
Helpless o resist, the notes I write,
For I compose the music of the night.
Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor,
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, music is deceiving
Hard as lightning, soft as candle light
Dare you trust the music of the night?
Close your eyes
For your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn’t what you see
In the darkness it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be
Softly
Deftly
Music shall caress you
Hear it
Feel it
Secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night
Close your eyes start a journey to a strange new world
Leave all thoughts behind of the world you knew before
Close your eyes and let music set you free
Only then can you belong to me
Floating, falling
Sweet intoxication
Touch me, Trust me
Savor each sensation
Let the dream begin
Let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night
I developed an obsession with Phantom of the Opera somewhere in my teens. I’ve always read D/s undertones into the relationship between the phantom and Christine. I always joke that Christine made the wrong choice. Ok, the phantom’s psychotic and homicidal but everyone has their flaws, right? I’m kidding…kind of.
I do love the moment when Christine is in his lair at the end of the play and realizes that he is damaged because of how cruelly he was treated during childhood. “Beautiful angel of darkness, what kind of life have you know? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone.” She offers herself to help him learn what it means to be loved. Of course, his love for her makes him realize that Raoul would be best for her and so the phantom pushes Christine away.
Yet, The Music of the Night is the song that makes me think of domination and submission the most. It’s a dominant singing to a submissive. Music is a metaphor for the play between dominance and submission.
“Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation. Darkness wakes and stirs imagination.” Night time and darkness are dominance here. It makes things more alive and more real and submission makes one more sensitive to the world around one when that control is handed over to another.
“Silently the senses abandon their defenses. Helpless to resist the notes I write. For I compose the music of the night.” Submission is freeing and I am drawn to being submissive. When I am being dominated, I feel the power and I can’t say no. It’s as though I am a finely tuned violin and the other a master bowman who know how to draw the sweetest music from my strings.
“Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor. Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender. Hearing is believing, music is deceiving. Hard as lightning, soft as candle light. Dare you trust the music of the night?” Here is the beginning of a D/s relationship. At first it needs to be gentle but firm until both are accustomed to each other. Then it seems unreal as it grows and takes on various forms. There are many different types of dominance that are wanted and needed. Often by the same person at different times. Yet, there is this surreal aspect to it as though you were wrapped in a warm blanket and floating in a dream.
“Close your eyes. For your eyes will only tell you the truth. And the truth isn’t what you see. In the darkness it is easy to pretend that the truth is what it ought to be.” The truth is not out there in the world outside yourself. The truth is within the dark places within myself that I hide from many in my world. The truth isn’t what everyone else expects from me. It’s what I see when I close my eyes and block out the demands of everyone else except the dark closet in the deepest part of my soul. The part that lets me know that being submissive and serving others is ok and nothing to be ashamed of.
“Softly, deftly, musical shall caress you. Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you. Open up your mind let your fantasies unwind. In this darkness which you know you cannot fight. The darkness of the music of the night.” You can’t hide from the truth of who you truly are. As the dominance surrounds you, you realize that you have found where you belong. You have found your true home.
“Only then can you belong to me.” I think that line speaks for itself.
“Floating, falling, sweet intoxication. Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation. Let the dream begin. Let your darker side give in to the power of the music of the night.” I long for nothing more than to be true to my submissive side and to be taken to places I’ve never been before. I feel then I will be living my life to its fullest. I will be happier than I have ever been. I want to lay my soul at the feet of another and devote my entire being to them. I want to experience the level of trust that this takes and feel the headiness of it.
“You alone can make my song take flight. Help me make the music of the night.” The dominant and submissive roles are nothing without each other. Though the power belongs to the dominant it is because the submissive yearns to hand that control over. They are two lonely creatures without one another. Beautiful music is created when these two roles become one.
Night time sharpen, heightens each sensation,
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination,
Silently the sense, abandon their defenses.
Helpless o resist, the notes I write,
For I compose the music of the night.
Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor,
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, music is deceiving
Hard as lightning, soft as candle light
Dare you trust the music of the night?
Close your eyes
For your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn’t what you see
In the darkness it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be
Softly
Deftly
Music shall caress you
Hear it
Feel it
Secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night
Close your eyes start a journey to a strange new world
Leave all thoughts behind of the world you knew before
Close your eyes and let music set you free
Only then can you belong to me
Floating, falling
Sweet intoxication
Touch me, Trust me
Savor each sensation
Let the dream begin
Let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night
You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night
I developed an obsession with Phantom of the Opera somewhere in my teens. I’ve always read D/s undertones into the relationship between the phantom and Christine. I always joke that Christine made the wrong choice. Ok, the phantom’s psychotic and homicidal but everyone has their flaws, right? I’m kidding…kind of.
I do love the moment when Christine is in his lair at the end of the play and realizes that he is damaged because of how cruelly he was treated during childhood. “Beautiful angel of darkness, what kind of life have you know? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone.” She offers herself to help him learn what it means to be loved. Of course, his love for her makes him realize that Raoul would be best for her and so the phantom pushes Christine away.
Yet, The Music of the Night is the song that makes me think of domination and submission the most. It’s a dominant singing to a submissive. Music is a metaphor for the play between dominance and submission.
“Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation. Darkness wakes and stirs imagination.” Night time and darkness are dominance here. It makes things more alive and more real and submission makes one more sensitive to the world around one when that control is handed over to another.
“Silently the senses abandon their defenses. Helpless to resist the notes I write. For I compose the music of the night.” Submission is freeing and I am drawn to being submissive. When I am being dominated, I feel the power and I can’t say no. It’s as though I am a finely tuned violin and the other a master bowman who know how to draw the sweetest music from my strings.
“Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor. Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender. Hearing is believing, music is deceiving. Hard as lightning, soft as candle light. Dare you trust the music of the night?” Here is the beginning of a D/s relationship. At first it needs to be gentle but firm until both are accustomed to each other. Then it seems unreal as it grows and takes on various forms. There are many different types of dominance that are wanted and needed. Often by the same person at different times. Yet, there is this surreal aspect to it as though you were wrapped in a warm blanket and floating in a dream.
“Close your eyes. For your eyes will only tell you the truth. And the truth isn’t what you see. In the darkness it is easy to pretend that the truth is what it ought to be.” The truth is not out there in the world outside yourself. The truth is within the dark places within myself that I hide from many in my world. The truth isn’t what everyone else expects from me. It’s what I see when I close my eyes and block out the demands of everyone else except the dark closet in the deepest part of my soul. The part that lets me know that being submissive and serving others is ok and nothing to be ashamed of.
“Softly, deftly, musical shall caress you. Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you. Open up your mind let your fantasies unwind. In this darkness which you know you cannot fight. The darkness of the music of the night.” You can’t hide from the truth of who you truly are. As the dominance surrounds you, you realize that you have found where you belong. You have found your true home.
“Only then can you belong to me.” I think that line speaks for itself.
“Floating, falling, sweet intoxication. Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation. Let the dream begin. Let your darker side give in to the power of the music of the night.” I long for nothing more than to be true to my submissive side and to be taken to places I’ve never been before. I feel then I will be living my life to its fullest. I will be happier than I have ever been. I want to lay my soul at the feet of another and devote my entire being to them. I want to experience the level of trust that this takes and feel the headiness of it.
“You alone can make my song take flight. Help me make the music of the night.” The dominant and submissive roles are nothing without each other. Though the power belongs to the dominant it is because the submissive yearns to hand that control over. They are two lonely creatures without one another. Beautiful music is created when these two roles become one.
Friday, July 22, 2011
List 20 thing you fiercely believe in
List 20 things you fiercely believe in.
1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Most people want to do the right thing and are basically good
4. Children will determine the continued existence of our race. The way we treat our children will positively correlate with the success of our world.
5. Jane Austen is one of the best authors of all time.
6. Being submissive to another and serving them will be one of the most freeing experiences I will ever have and that this relationship will exist for me in truth and completeness.
7. Spanking is one of the most wonderful feelings.
8. That I can become a more forgiving individual and stop holding onto the past like a security blanket.
I was working on a journal prompt “List 20 things you fiercely believe in.” I got to number 8 before my brain started to take off on its own. Which, I believe is the whole point of the journal prompts.
Number 8 on my list was that I believe I can become a more forgiving person and can stop holding onto the past. I feel like I have become a rather negative person. I know I have commented on FL and FB before about how my status messages often seem negative. I am always complaining about something. This thought was further feed by a comment about how it does seem as though I hold onto things until I pop, sometimes years later.
This is something I have been working on at work. When I first started working in this field, I quickly realized how easy it is to get caught up in pointing out what a kid is doing wrong. So, I have been working on making it a point to point out how much the kids do right.
I think I need to change that focus to my private life as well. Even if I’ve had a tough day, my status messages have to find the positive in the day. I also think it may be time to start rebuilding my relationship with my mother. I have set boundaries for her and she has been respecting them. Perhaps it’s time to be more loving and respectful toward her and to let the past in the past.
1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Most people want to do the right thing and are basically good
4. Children will determine the continued existence of our race. The way we treat our children will positively correlate with the success of our world.
5. Jane Austen is one of the best authors of all time.
6. Being submissive to another and serving them will be one of the most freeing experiences I will ever have and that this relationship will exist for me in truth and completeness.
7. Spanking is one of the most wonderful feelings.
8. That I can become a more forgiving individual and stop holding onto the past like a security blanket.
I was working on a journal prompt “List 20 things you fiercely believe in.” I got to number 8 before my brain started to take off on its own. Which, I believe is the whole point of the journal prompts.
Number 8 on my list was that I believe I can become a more forgiving person and can stop holding onto the past. I feel like I have become a rather negative person. I know I have commented on FL and FB before about how my status messages often seem negative. I am always complaining about something. This thought was further feed by a comment about how it does seem as though I hold onto things until I pop, sometimes years later.
This is something I have been working on at work. When I first started working in this field, I quickly realized how easy it is to get caught up in pointing out what a kid is doing wrong. So, I have been working on making it a point to point out how much the kids do right.
I think I need to change that focus to my private life as well. Even if I’ve had a tough day, my status messages have to find the positive in the day. I also think it may be time to start rebuilding my relationship with my mother. I have set boundaries for her and she has been respecting them. Perhaps it’s time to be more loving and respectful toward her and to let the past in the past.
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